Tenderness Over Toughness


It’s after midnight and I’m writing this note to you after being woken up by a stomach ache, no doubt from the extra slice of pizza I had at dinner.

As I lay here awake, trying to will my stomach ache to subside, my thoughts turn to all the ways this past year has been a year of EXTRA.

Extra emotion, extra activity, extra fear & worry, extra consumption, extra decisions around how we spend our time and money, extra concerns around how to best stay safe and healthy, extra care-taking of our children, families and community.

2020 has been nearly an entire year filled with extra challenge on almost every front, requiring us to pivot unexpectedly and regularly.

Just when we think we’ve found our footing, something changes requiring us to pivot and find our footing again. It’s exhausting and no doubt has caused extra aches and pains.

I offer the following perspective in the hopes it will bring some relief.

Times of extra are never a time for being hard on yourself, they require just the opposite: extra compassion, understanding, patience and acceptance.

Tending to our aches and pains, our indulgences, our moments of disappointment, our desires that have yet to be realized, tending to ourselves in any moment, for any reason. with extra loving kindness will always do more to serve your growth than trying to thrive in a hostile environment.

Each time we are awoken to our discomfort, whether from too much pizza or from living in a way that’s been too hard for too long, we are offered a unique opportunity to tend to our aches and pains with tenderness rather than toughness.

What comes next, is always contingent on the state we’ve chosen to be in with ourselves.

Tenderness over toughness will always yield a more satisfying result.

My wish for you is that you move through the remainder of the year tending to yourself lovingly, that you make peace with where you are right now and you make the very deliberate choice to feel proud of all the ways you’ve had to adapt and pivot and repeatedly find your footing.

May you take a moment to place your hands in prayer or over your heart and bow internally towards yourself, in a gesture of real gratitude and appreciation for all the ways you showed up for yourself and others during this year of EXTRA.

You need not manage all things well before feeling proud.

You don’t have to earn the right to honor and love yourself. You deserve to feel good and proud no matter what has come before, no matter what comes after.

It’s a revolutionary and transformative concept. It holds more power than any other strategy I know to help you live in a way that feels deeply satisfying.

As you may be considering setting goals for the year ahead, I have one piece of advice (for now), think in terms of tending to what’s most meaningful to you right now.

Rather than thinking in terms of discipline, willpower and working harder, think about tending to what you’d love to see grow from an inner energy of radical presence, protection and love; making sure to prioritize what you want to matter most.

Lastly, what I know for sure, is that the path to a life that feels richly rewarding begins with our willingness to extract the treasures from where we are right now.

It’s quite the opposite of settling. It’s in fact the highest win.

You, in a state of aggressively pursuing how satisfied you can feel right now, without needing things to change, is indeed how you become a most attractive & powerful force for change.

It’s my life’s work to show you how feeling worthy of living this way allows you access to what’s always been possible.

Thank you for sharing your time with me. If I can be a source of support for you in the year ahead, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

I work with a select few clients at a time who are ready for the deep and revolutionary work that leads to lasting transformation.

From my family to yours, I wish you a relaxing and peaceful holiday season, filled with good health and an abundance of meaningful moments.

xx Lori

PS. If you haven't had a chance to listen to my conversation about WORTHINESS with Olivia that changed everything for her, it might just be the exact thing you needed to hear for as well. Cozy up to it over the holiday break.