Maybe you’ve noticed.
Maybe you haven’t.
Maybe no one cares to the degree I imagine.
I haven’t written in a while and it’s hanging over me like a dark cloud.
Things have been crazy on the homefront with kids quarantining, more than once / more than one child, snowstorms and school closings, 2 hour delays and more remote learning than I anticipated.
I hit a wall of exhaustion and frustration.
I started and stopped my writing a ridiculous number of times, my unfinished writing making me question whether I had anything of value to even often anymore. What would begin as an inspired thought quickly turned into a mess of meaninglessness.
Each passing day of not completing what I wanted, the pressure to produce something great, became stronger & stronger.
Not optimal conditions for producing anything quality.
The pressure to perform, partnered with a baseline level of feeling bad, is a beast of a boulder to push up the mountain.
Pushing boulders uphill isn’t how I want my life to feel.
I imagine you don’t either.
So yesterday, I decided enough was enough; I’m not going to feel bad about any of it. And here we are today with a finished piece of writing.
Finishing my work didn’t let me off the hook. It’s not the outcome that brings relief and allows us to finally feel satisfied and good.
It’s the other way around.
(Something I wish I had learned when I was younger.)
The power we have to reach higher levels of achievement, to be productive, focused, consistent and motivated doesn’t come from pressure, desire or discipline.
It comes from our willingness to be in a good place with ourselves, no matter what.
Even if we're frustrated & disappointed. Especially then.
The wonderful thing about freedom & relief is that it’s often found in simple, small moves and as a result of deciding not to feel bad.
It’s a practice of radical self love and honoring. It requires a willingness to push back against our conditioning.
It’s been a doozy of a week and I haven’t shown up for you the way I wanted, but I did show up in other ways, for my family and some other people.
I baked muffins and shoveled the front walk three times for my elderly neighbors, I surprised one of my clients with a grocery bag of goodies and a bottle of Prosecco. I spearheaded and am executing a Valentine Fundraiser for our local teen center. And I’ve been present in a big way for my kids and family.
It’s funny how failing ourselves in one way trips the circuit to devaluing all that we bring to the table.
My hope in sharing this with you today is that you’ll take a quiet moment with yourself to lovingly let yourself off the hook in whatever way you need and in every way possible.
Think about all you do and all the ways you show up.
And if you’re feeling uber radical, you can practice subscribing to the idea that there’s nothing to ever feel bad about.
It’s one of the scariest concepts to believe in. Because from this belief, so much more is possible.