She judges her art. And she judges it harshly. She judges it long before she ever begins. She judges it throughout the entire creative process and of course once she's finished.
Judging her art, (and herself) harshly is her modus operandi.
Of course this causes lots of pain and suffering. but she's accustomed to being hard on herself, it's where she's most comfortable living.
Her habit of sabotaging herself before she even begins is a recurring theme in our work together. This is where I reminder her of how crucial it is to be willing to make bad art.
If you're serious about wanting what you want, about living a life that feels purposeful and highly satisfying, you've got to be willing to silence the judgment so you can sit down and 'do the work' without assigning meaning to the result.
PS: Just to keep things real. My 4 year old has been home with me all day long. Yes, she's adorable and these are precious moments and I will look back someday and totally understand what people mean when they say "it goes so fast."
But she has interrupted my work a million times and made it nearly impossible for me to focus. But I refused to give up. Today wasn't a day for stopping. I fed her. And went back to work. I played with her. And went back to work. I fed her again. And went back to work. I hugged and kissed her. And went back to work. You catch my drift. For most of the day today, I felt like my work was shit. Nothing was flowing or felt good enough.
I walked away. I sat outside. I cut myself some slack. I reminded myself that this is in fact the exact practice of building the life you want. I kept coming back and opening the laptop and texting notes to myself and doing the work.
Most people I know long to do work they love while making good money for as a result. This my friend is a most worthy and possible ask, but it never happens without the willingness, the grit and the self-love required to sit down every single day and make art. And nothing will kill your ability to stay motivated and committed, not to mention creative and inspired, more than judging yourself every step of the way.
A great comedian knows you have to be willing to completely bomb and be booed off stage. An accomplished chef knows you're going to serve up some pretty terrible dishes. A successful entrepreneur always has more than a few stories in his back pocket of all the bad choices he's made and the deals that failed. A top athlete will readily share with you how many hours of blood, sweat and tears he put into practicing before reaching elite status.
Anyone who's ever achieved something great has encountered many moments where they felt like giving up.
Being able to stay the course no matter how bumpy and uncomfortable it gets, (and not be horribly mean to yourself in the process) is the rite of passage to the salvation you've been desiring.
You're going to make bad fucking art. And if you're able to stick with the process for a bit you're likely to discover that it's NO. BIG. DEAL.
It's a much bigger deal to allow the moments of your life to slip by without allowing yourself to live the way you've always wanted.
You can either decide to feel bad every single time you create something that you think sucks OR you can decide that you're pretty darn amazing for having the courage to show up, to play the long game, to finally be unwavering in your dedication to the big vision you have for your life.
How willing are you, to make bad art?
PPS: The photo above is my four year old daughter making art. Remember when you were a kid and you thought everything you created was simply the best? Yeah, well. Not to burst your bubble, but there's a good chance your mom didn't save all of it. Just saying!
The point is this, adopt the mindset of a 4 year old when it comes to do whatever it is you want to spend your life doing. Do it because you want to, because it matters and brings a deep sense of fulfillment. Operating from this place is always your best chance for success.
Please don't take my word for it. Go see for yourself.
There's nothing more I want for you, than for you to love your life. If you have questions about anything I share with you or would like some more personalized guidance, please feel free to reach out.