Should I Leave My Husband? AKA: How To Make Tough Decisions
Should I leave my husband? Should I quit my job? Should I get off Facebook? Should I stop hustling to make a buck and focus instead on doing the one thing I really love?
These questions and many more are the kinds of questions I get asked a lot.
Here’s my response, in story form.
We couldn’t decide. We had narrowed it down to two final houses and my husband and I felt similarly torn.
We had decided to move from NYC to the ‘burbs. We found just the right town. We’d spent the past few months looking at over 25 houses and we now had it whittled down to the final two.
But we couldn’t decide which house was right.
Each house of course had its pro’s and con’s. It felt like a tough choice, with no clear answer, so we decided to make a list.
I opened up my notebook and we sat at the kitchen table together listing out the pro's and con's for each house.
House A was impeccably cared for. It had all the top of the line finishes and was in great condition. The sellers had never had kids and the house was extremely very well cared for. It was on a beautiful, quiet street with other nice homes. It was a 'move in ready, start loving your life right now’ kind of house. On paper House A had a much bigger list of pro's.
House B also felt like a great house for us, but it came with more 'issues'. It had been rented for the past few years and needed more TLC. The kitchen was outdated and in desperate need of re-design. It had a very steep driveway which could spell trouble in the winter. It had a pond in the backyard, a potential danger for little kids. This was the house that felt like a much bigger risk. On paper, House B had a much larger list of con’s.
So, there it was. We made our list and it became really clear, the answer was staring us in the face. House A, on paper, was the better choice. It had so many more pro’s.
We chose House B.
In the midst of your own tough choices, no one else can tell you which choice is right, but I hope that what I share with you will help you sort it out.
We chose House B because after the lists were made and the discussions were had and we did our due diligence in being thoughtful about this big choice; this was the house, that both of us knew, without question, felt like us.
This was the house that we knew, with the investment of our sweat equity and ongoing love, would be the house we wanted to make our home.
We chose House B because of how it felt to stand inside the master bedroom with the sliding doors open and hear the soothing sound of the creek flowing into the pond.
We chose house B because despite all the flaws, all the things that we knew needed fixing, when we looked at the backyard we could envision where we'd build the tree-house for the kids and where we'd install the outdoor shower and how cozy it would feel in the winter eating by the stone fireplace in the kitchen.
In the middle of writing this post, I took a little break to pour my Sunday morning coffee, and to give some milk to the kids. I spent a few precious moments with my 5 year old son. We were standing on our deck together in the quiet of the early summer morning. He was eating his little red apple while I softly stroked his hair. We were looking for fish in our backyard pond. He told me that he liked our swing set because it had two slides and we talked about where the tree-house should go.
I think my husband and I instinctively knew the first time we saw this house (House B) that this was the house where we saw ourselves creating really meaningful moments with our kids.
I think most of us have ourselves trapped in a decision making process that is horribly flawed.
Making lists can be helpful. You can make all your lists and do all the measuring you want, if it helps you feel better somehow, but the obvious, clear choice on paper doesn't mean it's the choice you're going to love.
The choices you’re going to love can only come from making choices with your heart.
Where are you struggling with some choices in your life right now?
Maybe the choice you’re struggling with isn’t really so tough. Maybe it's only tough because you’re using the wrong method for measuring.
Please reach out to me if you have questions. This is why I’m here.