"I really don't want to bring my au pair on vacation with us. I want it to be just the family."
And then this; "But I feel bad. When I first hired her I kind of gave her the impression that she would be coming."
It's freezing cold and pouring rain. We're picking our kids up from school. She turns to me and says, "I really don't want to take my kids to soccer practice today."
And then this; "But the coach will kill me if we don't go." [Her son is six]
"I really don't want to go into the office today. In fact, I don't even think I need to. What I'd really love to do is give myself the day off."
And then this; "But what will they think of me? What if they think I'm slacking or don't care about my job?"
You don't have to bring the au pair on vacation or go to soccer practice in the freezing cold rain or go into the office if you don't feel you need to. You don't need to run your business or your household like anybody else.
You don't have to feel bad about honoring yourself. In fact, anytime you hear yourself saying (or thinking), "but I feel bad," this should be a giant red flag.
Keeping up appearances only serves to keep you stuck.
When you disregard what you know you really want, you set the conditions quite nicely to keep yourself feeling disappointed, resentful and stuck because the message you're really sending is, "I don't deserve to take control of my life."
"I didn't even realize that I was seeking permission. But now I can see that I was. This is a powerful moment for me. It's like I've been waiting for someone to tell me it's okay." Admits one of the women from above.
You don't need my permission or anybody else's.You get to decide how you're going to run your life. You get to decide how you're going to exhange your time.
I encourage you to slow down and choose carefully, because the deeper place (of deserving) from which you make your choices, determines what you shall get on the other side.
You don't need permission from anybody else.
Guided Journaling Questions
What does this topic (of asking for permission) bring up for you, specifically?
Is there some area in your life right now where you might be 'waiting for permission' from somebody else?
What might be blocking you from giving yourself permission to [fill in the blank]?
What message are you sending yourself when you deprive yourself of what you really want?